RoyEd In a Nutshell
by AnimeAngel2010
Summary: Read the title, I think that pretty much explains itself. Basic summary inside.Rated T for Swearing and mentions of sex.


Authors Note: Hrmmm. This is pretty much my first attempt at any RoyEd fic. And before anyone decides to start and flame me about things, yes, this fic was made mostly out of pure sarcasm and OOC'ness. And things may be a bit rushed. On with the story.

Full Metal Alchemist does not belong to me, but to the worthy Hiromu Arakawa. I'm sorry for ruining the fandom though. D:

Once upon a time, there was a happy-...

Once upon a time, there was a cheerful-...

Screw it. Once upon a time, there was a small blonde boy who really didn't know what to do with himself anymore. He had lost his right arm and left leg in a human transmutation he really shouldn't of attempted in the first place, and his brother. Well, his body anyways, since he was now a 7 foot tall suit of armor. And to top it all off, his girlfriend Winry, in whom was oddly placed into this story for the sake of the plot, had dumped him.

Yea, his life sucked, and he wasn't afraid to admit it. Hell, sometimes he wondered why he didn't just kill himself.

And then the words of his little brother traveled through his mind, somthing about 'never leaving eachother behind' or whatever. Then he remembered why, and sighed. Damn his weakness of caring too much.

But enough of how this kids life sucked. Back to the part where we had said Winry supposedly dumped him.

Yea, he was heartbroken, but it didn't take him long to get over it. Feh, who needed the bitch anyways? All she ever did was nag him about breaking his automail, and throw random wrenches at his head. And those really hurt. Maybe it was too much of an abusive relationship for him anyways.

Yea, lets go with that.

But one day, not too long after the break-up, he had found someone else to fall hopelessly in love with. But this person wasn't a girl, oh no. This person just so happened to be a man, no, a damned sex god. Black hair, those mysterious onyx eyes that always caught him off guard, that genuine smirk that always said, 'Go ahead, you know you want me.'

A man known as Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist.

But the problem was, this man happened to be his superior officer, not to mention twice his age, and to anyone out there who doesn't get it yet, that was a big no-no in the military. He groaned, shuffling his way down the hallway, before remembering he had a certain report that was also thrown into this story for the sake of the plot.

He grinned, but that grin quickly died down. Yea, it ment he could be alone with the Colonel, but he couldn't act suspicious, no. Roy would suspect somthing then. He had to act normal.

...So he did what he did every day. He barged into Roys office, practically knocking the door off of it's hinges.

"Hey! Colonel bastard, I've got that report you wanted." He said in the coolest manner he could.

Roy only raised an eyebrow, "What was that, FullMetal? I can't hear things that are that low to the ground." He said, a smirk crossing his face.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU COULDN'T EVEN SEE THEM USING A MICROSCOPE THAT WAS ZOOMED IN A MILLION TIMES?!" Ed fumed, screaming at the top of his lungs. Sometimes the bastard really annoyed him. He growled, just about ready to strangle the man. Maybe he should've thought about this a bit more...

"You." Roy simply replied, grinning. "Now...About that report.." He interrputed, before Ed could even get another rant in.

"Yea.." He grumbled, throwing it down on his desk, before shoving his hands in his pockets, turning, getting ready to head towards the door.

"Fullmetal, I did not dismiss you." The man said, staring at him.

Ed rolled his eyes, sighing, turning on his heel, facing the man again, "So what? It's not like you do any other day.." He mumbled.

Roy laced his fingers together, resting his chin upon the top of them, staring at Ed, "I do, your just too busy complaining about getting called short to notice."

"DON'T CALL ME SMALL!" He growled, stomping one foot to the floor, grabbing the edges of the colonels desk, glaring at him.

"Full Metal." He addressed him.

"What." Ed growled back in response.

"Shut up." He said, before leaning over, capturing the boys lips with his own.

Ed's eyes widened, and he could've swore his heart just stopped. He felt his face grow warm, a blush quite noticable on his face. His eyes lowered, and he felt his legs grow weak, melting into the mans kiss. "C-Colonel.."

"Hush..." The man whispered, lietally sweeping the boy off of his feet, laying him down on the couch. The passionate heated kisses continued, eventually leading to hot, pedophilia man sex that we've all learned to know and love today. Pffft, what? You wanted me to actually write it out? Are you TRYING to get me banned?

The moans, yells, and lustful screams echoed throughout the room, as one Lt. Colonel known as Maes Hughes stood on the other side of the door, grinning like a madman. Havoc, Breda, Fury, Falman, and Hawkeye all stood near him.

"Pay up." He said with a grin, staring at the four men, in whom all groaned in defeat, paying their bets.

"Thats not fair." They all heard Riza whine, quite OOC'ly. "I was supposed to be the first one to do that with him in his office. Instead I lose to some blonde shrimp who couldn't even keep a girlfriend for a week.."

And then another round of screams erupted, only this time, they weren't passionate.

So all in all, the basic moral of this story is...Well.

Roy and Ed together in an office making sweet love is hot, Riza with a loaded gone is scary...

And Hughes..Well, he was probably off showering his daughter with gifts with the money that he had currently won from the bet. Because if anyone knew Roy better than Roy himself, it was Hughes.

Well, what did ya think? REVIEW PLEASE. It makes the crazy author happy. )


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